Lately I've been feeling a little droopy. A little blue. I don't know why. It's not like I am lacking for things to be happy about. A wonderful husband, a great job, and a cute kitty who greets me at the door when I get home. Not to mention a God who loves me a zillion times more than anything I can imagine. A God who's love is without condition and without limits.
But even with all those things, I still feel down in the dumps.
I was reading back through my old journal and found an entry from November 3, 2009. It's funny how things go in cycles. How spirits are lifted and then fall back down only to rise again.
"God, why do I feel like this? Why do I fell so dull, down, and worthless? I feel like a waste of space but I can't muster up enough energy to do anything about it. Lord, give me some belief back- belief in myself, in my worth and my abilities. And if my belief never left me, Lord, help me find it wherever it's hidden. Maybe it's underneath the stress and pressure I load on myself because I'm a glutton for perfection and the inevitable let down it brings.
Lord, lend me your eyes so I can see me how you see me- made in your image and perfected by your grace. That's all. That's all that matters."
This is a prayer I find myself frequently saying. Maybe not in such desperation, but some other variation.
Lord, take my worry, I don't want it anymore.
Lord, help me to put on a smile today.
Lord, help me understand what I can learn through failure and help me grow.
Lord, be with me in my challenges and my celebrations.
Lord, carry me today.
Every day I am thankful I have a savior. Every day I am overwhelmed by how much love he has for us.