13 September 2012

The Grip of Perfection

I say "perfect" constantly. It's my affirming word. 

- When the lady at the DMV tells me my license will come in the mail in 1-2 weeks, I say "perfect."

- When I'm asked to wait over there for the doctor, I say "perfect."

- When my hubby tells me the plan for the day, which includes going to Lowes for the 900th time this month, I say "perfect."

But lately I've found myself using the word "perfect" in a different way. In a way that has me feeling stressed and frustrated. In a way that has me confused. In a way that has me feeling like I don't measure up or that I'm already behind.

In a way that has to do with the baby.

It's no secret that new moms want things to be perfect for the arrival of their child. And I don't believe that's a bad thing either. Clothes washed and put away. Nursery decorated. Toys purchased. Diapers ready.

But I'm finding that this desire to have everything perfect is just leading me to tears. It's crippling really. Longing for things to be perfect and yet finding that I don't have the courage to do anything for fear that it won't be just right.

A failed nursery project led me to hysterics. I just about had a panic attack over cloth diapers.

Everything has to be perfect, or does it?

Oh how did I let this happen?

And more importantly how do I begin to get out of its grip?

"But whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may now that we are in him." 1 John 2:5
Yes, I am made perfect in Christ, but that does not leave me without blemish or sin.

And that does mean I should feel guilty if I haven't read my breast-feeding book cover-to-cover either.

His love is perfected in me. The love I have for my son is perfected. But it releases me from the grip of perfection. In this perfected love, I have all that I need to provide for my baby boy.

"You then, my child, be strengthened by grace that is in Christ Jesus." 2 Timothy 2:1

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