06 December 2012

The Story of Samuel: On the Other Side

“The Lord came and stood there, calling as at the other times, 'Samuel, Samuel!' 
Then Samuel said, 'Speak, for your servant is listening.'” 1 Samuel 3:10

We made it to the other side. Through the pregnancy, the birth, the recovery, the first couple nights, the tears of exhaustion, the anguish of breastfeeding, the first really scary diapers, the first baby smiles.

Samuel and I didn't quite get off on the right foot, and I don't feel that we connected very well at the beginning. Because of the stress of recovery, challenges with breastfeeding, and my experience with postpartum depression, I don't feel like I really bonded with Sam right away. I loved him, but during those early days, it was more because I was supposed to. Because that's the way it was supposed to happen.

Maybe I shouldn't admit that. I still feel a lot sadness and guilt saying that, but that really was my experience.

Looking back now, as we approach 2 months with our little man, those feeling seem so distant. The sleepless nights, all the tears I shed, and the doubts I had about our decision to have a child seem so foreign.

I can't imagine my life without Sam. The love I have for my son is indescribable. I am overwhelmed with joy when I think about being a mother. About being his mother.

I am made more complete because of him.

As we drove away from the hospital after having Sam, I thought that I would never be able to do that again. I have always wanted a big(ish) family, but I was sure my son would be an only child.

Last weekend though, I think I've come around to the idea that I can do it again, that I want to, and that it's absolutely, powerfully, wonderfully worth it.  

Read the previous chapters of our story:

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  1. Such an honest post. I think every woman has such a different experience. And none are right or wrong. They just are. And no one can truly explain what it's like. I was talking to a friend with a child recently and I told her, I just never realized how much other people love their babies until I had Henry. And now I find myself wondering, how could anyone possibly love their babies as much as I love him? It just seems impossible and it's so hard to describe.

  2. Loved reading about your experiences! Congrats on your beautiful baby! I have no doubt you are an amazing mother!


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