Shaping My Heart

October 18, 2013 (in my journal):
"Another morning in the playroom, watching Sam explore.

He's one now. So hard to believe we made it through those difficult days, Our connection has become so strong. I look at Sam and see a part of myself, the best part. The holy part. I see Christ is my son. I see the Lord using him to sanctify me. I know I have a big responsibility as his mom, but I almost think his responsibility to me is even bigger.

Lord, help me go gently through this day. Help me to be intentional and present."

Have you ever thought of that? The role of our children in our lives? And not what we do for them - but rather, how God is using our children to shape and grow us.

I see this play out more and more every day. As Sam winds up in the timeout chair for the 100th time today, I see God using this experience to grow my heart toward patience and obedience. As I care for Sam when he's sick, I see God using this experience to shape my spirit toward softness and compassion. As I teach Sam the values of our family, I see God using this experience to mold my spirit toward the Holy Spirit.

Parenting is funny like that. You get so wrapped up in what you need to do as a parent, God pulls one over on you. You realize that you are really the student. You are the one changing. You are the one becoming better.. As much as I try to lead my child toward God, God is using my child to guide me as well. I am closer to God because of my closeness with Sam.

Lord, help me go gently through this day. Help me to be intentional and present. Help me to be open to the lessons you have for me. Help me to see my son as a teacher, a molder of my heart. Help me to grow toward you through what he is teaching me.