I feel like I've grown up so much during the last 3 weeks. Taking on even more adult responsibility. Making big decisions. Putting down roots not just for Kyle and I but for our child coming in 3 short months.
As I look around our home, it's all starting to settle in. It feels so good. But it's also scary. Insecurity and doubt creep in. Can we do this financially? Will we be good parents? Will we know how to care for our little one? Will we enjoy this new season?
I hesitate even asking this last question -- you probably shouldn't when the answer is "it's too late now." But I have been thinking about it a little lately. I love the time Kyle and I have together, just the two of us. We can be spontaneous, independent, a little frivolous, care-free. Things are changing for us, though, and the life we have had for our first 3 years of marriage is about to look quite a bit different.
I know we will love it and will soon wonder what on earth we did without a little one, but I would be lying if I said it hadn't crossed my mind a time or two.
"Then he put a little child among them. Taking the child in his arms, he said to them, 'Anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf welcome me, and anyone who welcomes me welcomes not only me but also my Father who sent me.'" Mark 36-37
But it is with great comfort that I rest on the fact that this little baby is a gift from God. It is not my plan, but His. It is not in my control, but His. It is not my child, but His, gifted to me to raise up toward Him.
It is not about me, or Kyle, or babies, or our house, but Him.
This is your home, little one. The house that we'll bring you back to when you arrive. The place where you'll take your first steps and say your first words. I can almost hear you running down the hallway. I can almost see you playing with the kitty.
Your nursery is a blank canvas right now. Four pale walls and a rocking chair in the corner -- your grandma rocked your dad in it when he was little. But I have plans for a space that will be warm and sunny. A perfect spot for us to get to know each other. Where I will feed you, and read to you, and change you, and watch you grow.
Your daddy and I have wanted a home of our own for so long, and we're finally here. All that's missing is you!