a lumpy, bumpy, baby bump
I've tried to share my heart and be a bit more vulnerable as I've gone through this transition from full-time professional to stay-at-home-wife.
I prayed so long for the opportunity. Cried tears of frustration as we waited. Cried tears of joy when the desires of my heart were falling into place.
A week and a half into my new life, and while I love it and the fresh opportunities it gives way to, it is difficult. I've squandered most of my time this week, feeling a bit like I'm living in someone else's home. It's our things, but it's so much new. I find myself padding around from room to room, a bit lost.
There have been some successes:
- We've made dinner every night
- We've gone on more walks around our neighborhood
- We started on the nursery and I've drawn up plans for a few projects
- We're signed up for baby classes and for a delivery room tour and I've pre-registered at the hospital
There have been some failures:
- I've slept too late every morning
- I had a major cupcake fail as they all stuck to the bottom of the cups
- I joined #shereadstruth and their study of Proverbs. Read days 1-4 all last night
- I have spent far too much time worrying over this pregnancy than rejoicing lately
Something that has really been on my heart these past few weeks is a simple phrase one of our pastor's said before we left Missouri. He told us that if you're looking for fullness anywhere other than in Jesus, you're looking in the wrong place.
I think that is my highest expectation, hope, and fear of regret in these few months before the baby is born. I want my days to be full. I want my time to be rich. I want to use this opportunity and not sleep it away.
But I'm realizing I have a flaw in my plan -- that my idea of fullness in my current situation is a day full of baking, and crafting, and writing, and selling products, and nesting, and taking better photos, and reading books.
I find myself in this moment comparing my life to the fullness that I see in other's lives on the internet and on their blogs.
And I have thought nothing of the fullness of a life lived for the Lord during this season.
A fatal flaw for sure.
“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. ..." John 15: 1-27
How I fill my days is a reflection on my life lived out with Christ. My priorities, my thoughts, giving into boredom, or giving over to creativity.
The plan I have for these next few months (the books and the baking and the like) are not to be ignored. The Lord delights in those things with us.
But my fullness, my fulfillment, my identity, is rooted in Him.
Sleeping until noon or getting up with the sun.
Showering early or right before hubby gets home.
Fiesta chicken and homemade Spanish rice (tonight's menu) or leftovers (last night's).
My fullness remains rooted in HIm.