I was a pretty bad stay-at-home mom. I had my good moments. Good days, even. But all in all, I don't think I was cut out for the job.
It's taken a lot of prayer and searching to let go of the guilt I had surrounding those feelings. But once I did -- once I woke up and put on dress pants and heels, once I had meetings and responsibilities to other adults, once I was being relied on in a way that didn't include wiping bums -- once I got rid of the guilt, I never looked back.
So here's a bit of my professional history for those who care to know it:
Full-time hall coordinator [living in the middle of 400 students, supervising staff, providing for the safety of human beings, making high stress decision, having really hard conversations]
Full-time mom (managing the house, cuddling, cleaning poop, preventing Sam from eating the cat's tail]
Full-time mom PLUS full-time administrative assistant [making copies, making coffee]
I joke with Kyle that I used to attend suicide prevention training. Now I attend training on how to use the Xerox machine.
It has been a very humbling experience for sure. I have a masters degree in college student development. I saw myself moving up the ladder at a university, gaining a broader and more complex set of responsibilities, going back for my PhD, all that jazz.
But that's just not where we are right now in our story. And although there are definitely days I need to check my ego at my office door [which is a joke because I don't have an office, I have a desk], I am head-over-heels in love with my job.
[lunch break material]
I love the people.
I love the level of responsibility I have [and that I don't have].
I love the flexibility I am given for family stuff.
I love the work I do.
I love the university.
I love commuting with my husband [we actually work in the same building].
I love missing my son and rejoicing every day when we pick him up at daycare.
I love that I have more energy for him when we're together.
I love that I feel a new sense of purpose when we're apart.
I definitely did not imagine this when I was sitting in my graduate school classrooms. But God knew it. It has been His plan all along.