The Season That Almost Broke Us

"O Lord, be gracious to us; we long for you. 

Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress." Isaiah 33:2

For those of you who may not know, I went back to work outside the home in November. Sam went into full-time daycare.

I was ready to go back to work. Ready for the challenge. Ready for the meal planning and crock pot cooking. Ready for carpooling and daycare drop off.

I was not ready for the germs.

Kyle and I feel strongly about full-time daycare. We love that Sam is part of a class. We love that there is an intentional curriculum and opportunities that we couldn't provide Sam outside of his classroom.

But oh man, the germs have kicked our butts.

Sam has had runny noses. He has had coughs. He has had short-lived fevers. He has had a mysterious virus that included 6 days of a crazy-high fever, a trip to the ER, chest x-rays, and blood work.

Because we share in our family, I have had coughs and colds. Kyle and I both had a crazy 12 hour stomach bug that had us begging the other person to hurry up in the bathroom.

And because we are special, Sam got hand-foot-and-mouth which turned into a rare skin infection that had the potential to be super serious and scary (I made the mistake of googling it). And of course, Sam shared his HFM with me. What a guy!

This season of sickness has almost been too much. The bills have almost been too much. I swear I went to the pharmacy every day for a week during the most recent illness.

Illness breeds frustration. It tries your patience. It has husbands and wives making rude comments about each others' work schedule as they try to figure out who should stay home with a sick baby. Kyle has slept in the spare bedroom to avoid germs. I have cried more than once at the reading on the thermometer.

But it was during my sleepless night with hand-foot-and-mouth where it started to make sense. I literally could not do anything to stop my blisters from itching and my mouth from hurting. I had done it all and nothing helped. All that was left was prayer. I asked God to bring relief, to bring comfort, to bring healing.

And that's when He let me in on his not-so-secret secret. At the end of the day, God wants us to need Him. He wants us to rely solely on His provision. To be dependent on what only He can provide.

So, for now we're healthy. My mom came to visit last week and Clorox wiped every surface possible. I am washing my hands like a mad woman. Taking care to ensure a few more days of good health.

But I am also praying for patience and grace and, in sickness and in healthy, an utter dependence on the ultimate healer.